On October 25th, the Right to Life Club hosted Mrs. Debbie Miller of Healing Hidden Hurts to speak on her experience healing from abortion and accompanying others on their journey to do the same. Before the presentation, our co-president Maria Thomas had the chance to interview Mrs. Miller for a more in-depth look. Here is the audio; a transcript is below. Maria Thomas: Alright, pro-life Braves! We have a very special guest here today; Mrs. Debbie Miller from Healing Hidden Hurts has come to speak about her experience, so thank you so much for being here! Mrs. Debbie Miller: I'm grateful to be here. Thank you. MT: Yay! Alright, so number one, obviously you are the founder and president of Healing Hidden Hurts. What's your, kind of, elevator speech for what your organization does? DM: Wow, okay. Well, Healing Hidden Hurts is a post-abortion ministry for women that has two goals. The first goal is for me to share my abortion/conversion witness, to offer people hope if they have been negatively impacted by abortion, and then the second goal is for me to accompany women through this Healing Hidden Hurts Ten-Step Program for healing, and it's both free and confidential, and it's a one-on-one program. It's Christ-centered. Sometimes, you know, other programs that are available in the Archdiocese are like the Rachel's Vineyard retreats, which is just a weekend and sometimes there's men and women, and it's a group. And sometimes women like to have options, you know, so this is a one-on-one ministry. And some women prefer that. MT: I see. All right, so what would you say if-- What's your, kind of, short thing for just like-- What should people know about you? You don't have to get into your entire story because I know you're gonna get into it when we have the talk later today, but, kind of, what should people know about you and your experience? DM: I guess, just briefly, that, you know I have been impacted by abortion myself, you know, many years ago, and it was very, very hurtful. I denied it for many years, which is very common for women and men that are impacted by abortion. It's too difficult to look at, to really acknowledge it, and so you just kind of stuff it away because you don't want to look at it; you don't want to deal with it. And that's what I did for many years. And so, that's very common. and then once that denial is broken, it's excruciatingly painful to look at what you've done because, you know, if you're a Christian, and you know about God, and you are familiar with the Ten Commandments, you know you have broken the big one, and many women and men feel like they've committed the unforgivable sin. And so, that's not true, of course, because we know that there's no sin that is bigger than God, you know, except if you refuse God's mercy, that's the only thing. And so I like to offer women and men hope that that God loves them, and He wants them to be healed, he wants to set him free from these bonds that they've been bound in. MT: So, obviously you did have a healing experience from your abortion. So, maybe, how long was it between that and when you decided to start Healing Hidden Hurts? Was there a particular event that prompted you to start this organization to help other women do the same thing you did? DM: Yes. And it's a very.... It took years, so it wasn't something that just kind of came to my mind and I thought about it. Actually I didn't think about it at all. I had people telling me, "You know, Debbie, you should be doing post-abortion ministry," and I thought, "What is post-abortion ministry? I've never heard of it." because this was back twenty-some years ago, probably closer to thirty years ago now, and I didn't know what post-abortion ministry was, and so people... My pastor gave me information on it because he was a Project Rachel priest; he was trained for that. So he gave me all of his information, so then I had some knowledge, but I didn't know how to put it to use. And so it was through a lot of prayer that I felt God was guiding me to this. And then that same priest is the one who helped me discern that this was a calling from God for me. And so this is something very difficult for me in that I'm a very private and, kind of, quiet person-- I'm an introvert-- and for God to call me to talk about my abortion in public was very, very difficult for me. But my love for God helped me to realize that I needed to do what God was asking me to do and I had to trust him that he would be with me. MT: I see. That's beautiful. Yeah, so could you, kind of, talk, walk us through what is unique about Healing Hidden Hurts' Ten Step Program? What sets it apart from different post-abortive ministry programs, and then also what people can expect? DM: Okay. Like I mentioned earlier, the difference is that this is a one on one program, and most of them are in groups. and this is only for women, whereas Rachel's Vineyard is open to women and men. And sometimes-- I know it's really a good program because I've gone through it myself, so I've experienced it. It's very beautiful. But sometimes women will not really open up with a man in the group. And the same goes for men, sometimes they're not really comfortable and really opening up in front of women. So, there is some healing there but sometimes women want a little bit deeper healing. And this is a lot more thorough because you're going through this process one-on-one. And so the process looks like, you know, we meet [the] first time to just get acquainted, and then I give her materials so she has time to take these things home and read through it and really pray and discern, you know, if this is something that would be helpful to her-- if this is going to be a good fit for her. And then once she makes that decision to go forward, then there's the actual ten steps. And then after we finish the ten steps then there's a break for four weeks, and then we have a follow-up just to see how she's feeling now, how, you know, she has any further questions, if there's any concern she wants to raise, and it's just a very beautiful program, it's usually... The sessions are an hour to an hour-and-a-half kind of depending on her. You're really all, you know-- because some women are very verbal, and so they need more time, and other women are more quiet, and you have to kind of help them, you know, with questions to kind of get some answers out of them so... And some of the sessions are longer than others, so it just kind of depends but, there's a two hour window, so we don't go over two hours. MT: I see. Alright, so can you share any stories or experiences that you have been involved with, that you think are helpful share helpful for this audience of young pro-life high school students? DM: Well, yes, I used to work with some high school kids in my parish, and we would meet for a pro life-- Just for information. I'm from a parish that's mostly Latino, and so a lot of these kids were from different schools in the area. They didn't go to just one school, but they were not really even aware of the whole abortion culture that we're living in, and so they didn't realize some of the schools had Planned Parenthood in their schools, and they didn't know that Planned Parenthood was not a good thing. And so we would meet, and we would just kind of talk, and I'd always bring brownies because they love brownies, but I did tell them about my story and I would talk to them about, you know, what I've learned and I share that with them. And so one of these girls... I met with them, probably at least a year, maybe a year and a half-- the same group, you know, as they kind of went through high school. And so after we had stopped meeting, one of the young ladies came up to me afterwards, and she told me this story. So, this was a Latino family and they like to have-- they're very family-oriented, and so they had this big family gathering. And this particular young lady was very outspoken; she had no trouble in saying what she thought. I just loved her to death. And so they had this big family gathering, and all the women were, kind of, around the food preparing and things and the guys were all playing with the kids in the field. And one of her aunts mentioned that she was pregnant, and she was getting an abortion. Now she was married and had five children already, and so she felt like she'd had enough, and she didn't want to have another child. And so this young lady started telling her what she learned about abortion, and that this is murder, and that it's not right. And then she also told her how women are impacted by abortion, and that it would probably destroy her family, and this mother listened to this young girl, and she kept that baby. MT: Yay! DM: So, I'd like to share that because I think young people really need to know that, you know, you're never too young to share the truth, and sometimes the truth coming from a young person can be more impactful than from a peer. MT: I see. That's amazing. Wow. Yeah. So obviously you have a lot of experience working with this kind of ministry, and then you have experience with your own personal story. So what might you tell someone who is considering an abortion? DM: Well, I just had a parish visit this weekend and this is one of the stories that I told. So I'm not going to tell the whole story because this is just interview, but what I told her-- she was telling me all the reasons why she had to have an abortion. Mainly it was the father of that child was pressuring me to have abortion. His family was pressuring her to have an abortion, and her place of employment, they were mocking her and ridiculing her for considering keeping this baby when the father didn't want it, and they were making her life absolutely miserable at work. And so she called, because of someone's intervention, they told her about my ministry, they told her about my story. And so she called me, and so this was just all Holy Spirit. But I said to her: God loves you. God loves this baby. This baby is not a mistake, and God has plans for this baby. And if you trust God, he will meet you at your point of need, and what do you need? Because I will help you. And this woman changed her mind and she had that baby and she invited me to the baptism afterwards to celebrate with the whole family. So it was a very beautiful experience, and it was very much a Holy Spirit that gave me those words to say, but they're good words, you know, because women feel like they can't make it on their own, but we don't have to trust in ourselves, you know. Other people will help us, and God is there, and God wants this. God wants life. He's the creator and author of life. And so we have to trust God for that. MT: Yeah, so you definitely talked about that particular woman's different reasons why she felt like she had to have an abortion. Are there any other really common reasons that you often hear from people of why they believe that they should get an abortion? DM: Number one is they don't have any support. Either the father of the child or other family members and sometimes friends are pressuring them to have an abortion. Sometimes it's financial, but I think most of the time they just don't have that emotional or moral support, you know, to have the abortion because sometimes, just like this lady, if you are there to offer them resources, they will change their mind. MT: I see, Yeah, that kind of speaks to the importance of support and service in the pro life movement right? DM: Yes, that's true. MT: Yeah, that's like the, the first half of it is about truth and making sure that people are aware of this is what's happening, and that's what's so beautiful about your story is that it does have that unique perspective about the impact of abortion on women and on families. But then of course the other half of it is that then we have to come in and support people because they need support. That's why people believe that they have to have an abortion, so that's really, really great that your ministry kind of touches on both of that. DM: Thank you. MT: Another thing that I was thinking was, obviously we do not live in a pro life culture-- in a culture of life, right? That is why people are getting abortions. So what do you think is the most significant, kind of, lie that is put forth by a pro choice culture that people often end up believing that they often then use to justify that they should have an abortion? DM: I think the culture, promotes the idea that abortion is no big deal, you know; it's a very simple quick procedure and it will take care of your problem. So they're not really looking at it as being a life, a life which is worthy of respect and dignity, and, you know, a gift. It's truly a gift. They see it as a mistake, you know, and it's not a mistake. If you have conceived a child, that child is a gift, and it's a gift from God, and it's not to be discarded. So society tells us that it's no big deal, that it's not a gift, that it's a problem. And a lot of times, you know, men and women-- they buy into that. And the biggest factor too behind all of these things is that fear. Because when a woman is in a crisis, and that fear grips her heart, everything else goes out the window, and then she has this tunnel-vision of, "I've got to take care of this." And she's not thinking of it as being a baby; she's thinking of it as a "pregnancy," and "I can't be pregnant, so I have to undo this pregnancy." So that's the way she's seeing it, and that's the way our culture promotes it. MT: I see. Yeah, absolutely. So you've been you've been doing this ministry for a number of years, which is so great, thank you so much. So what-- are there any particular significant changes that you've seen in the pro life movement, as the years have progressed, or maybe a significant impact that you've noticed over the years? DM: I would say, in the early years-- because I started out on the pro-life lines at the abortion centers, praying. I never felt really called to counsel at centers themselves, but I did feel like praying, and reaching out to women with information. And in the beginning it was really focused only on the baby. And then as the years have progressed, It's now turned to mother and child. Father Frank Pavone often says, you know, "Love them both." And that's key because, in order to help save the baby, you have to reach the mother, and the best way to reach the mother is through love, offering her compassion and care, and especially, like, reaching out. "What is your need? How can I help you?" Because she's not getting that from anybody else. And when we offer that, you know that's going to get her attention. And then another thing I see on the side of women that are-- that I'm seeing is, in the beginning... I've been doing this ministry for twenty-two years now, and in the beginning, women that were coming forward were twenty to thirty years post-abortion. And in the last ten years especially with, you know, the internet that we have now, women will research. when they start realizing that, you know something is going on, things have changed. "I'm not the same. I don't understand what's going on." When they start researching and they find there's help, women come forward, like, within a year, and sometimes even within weeks of their abortion, and that never happened in the past, but they're saving themselves a lot of grief because they're dealing with it immediately instead of going into years and years of denial, where, you know, it impacts their whole family when they get married and start raising children, because they're not themselves, you know. So those are the things I see. MT: I see. Yeah. And then also obviously since you have all this great experience, do you have any advice for young pro-lifers who are trying to get more involved in the movement, especially if people are interested in doing that prayer at Planned Parenthood or even sidewalk counseling? What tips can you give us? DM: Just, you know, be compassionate, you know. Love is everything. And when you're there and you have an attitude of humility and compassion, and you're prayerful and you're there to offer help and options, that goes a long way, that really does go a long way because I understand there are groups now at the abortion centers that are really kind of hateful; I guess that's a new thing that's going on. That's not really the pro life movement; that's somebody else that's trying to, kind of hack, what we've been doing for years. And so it's important that even in the face of that hostility that we have to be people of prayer, and we have to be that calming presence, because that's what the women need. They need help, and they need that love and care that we can offer them. MT: Yes. And then as we kind of get to the end of this, how can people help support Healing Hidden Hurts and its mission? DM: Well, I always tell people to share my story, because when you share my story, it helps save babies like I mentioned earlier, and then we never really know who was had an abortion, so you can be in a group of 10, 15 people and there's probably going to be four or five people in that group that have been impacted somehow. And so, share my story. Be prayer support for the ministry. And then, you know, I know that you guys are students but for the older people, you know, they can support the ministry, either with finances or volunteering, and you're doing a wonderful job, Maria, in helping us with our Instagram page.* I appreciate that. MT: Thank you! Yeah, so for those of you who don't know, Healing Hidden Hurts does have an Instagram page. The account name is @Healing_Hidden_Hurts again on Instagram, and that's where you can find encouraging quotes, that's where you can find updates for the ministry, and that's where you can contact us if you or someone you know is interested in getting involved in the ministry in any way or if anyone wants that support and care that is offered here by Mrs. Miller. Thank you so much for coming in today and I am looking forward to your talk later today. DM: Thank you so much, I'm so grateful to be here. * For more information about Mrs. Miller, visit HealingHiddenHurts.org.
*Maria was the manager of Healing Hidden Hurts' Instagram page from 2021 to 2023.
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